It's so funny how things happen in life. For a lil over a year now I've been feeling like something grand was supposed to happen to me. There hasn't been a big bang of occurrences or anything, but I most definitely feel like I'm where I'm supposed to be right now. I was talking to one of my guy friends and he's been picking at me and asking why I haven't done anything new with my art yet.
I really hate that question.... People who aren't creative and don't have to produce something original and unique never understand why or why you don't produce work. The conversation went something like this.
Him: So have you done any new art yet?
Me: (hanging head and avoiding eye contact) Nope..
Him: Why not?
Me: Well... because I just haven't been in the mood. It's hard to produce something when you're stressed out or whatever, plus it's just plain ole scary to put your art out to be seen. It's like putting tiny pieces of your soul out there for strangers to judge.
Him: (giving me the intense death stare) Well that's no excuse. If it's something that you want to do, you should be doing it. Have you done any research? Have you looked into any galleries?
Me: (starting to get disgruntled, feeling shamed & still avoiding eye contact) Well... no.
Him: (continues death stare) Well you just have to get out there and do it, even if you're scared. You can get on google and look up 'How to be an artist', you research and read all you can, and you make a plan and then you do it!!
Me: (unmotivatedly I admit) Yeah.. I guess.
So in his very 'black and white-make a plan-then just do it!' world it's simply that easy. He probably doesn't know this, but I consider him somewhat fearless, which is a quality I really admire him for. Although we see things somewhat different in the aspect of my producing art, the conversation really hit home for me. I really sat down and thought about why I've been stalling. I'm ashamed to admit the answer, but the truth and nothing but the truth is that I've been lazy, complacent, and very fearful. VERY.... FEARFUL!! Did I mention fearful???
So yep. Now you know my ugly secret. However, I'm happy to report that I've been doing more sketches lately and many new ideas for series have been popping up in my dreams at random. I asked my other guy friend (shout out to Courtney!) who is a fellow 'starving artist' how often he sketches and he said something like 'everyday'. We discussed a few other things too and I knew I really had to get to grinding for sure. The odd thing that I never realized until after I spoke to Courtney is that art wasn't supposed to be hard. It was supposed to be FUN! And somewhere between high school and graduating college, it had totally stopped being fun and started to be a big ass monkey of disappointment & frustration on my back. MY LORD it feels great to get that out! All these years I've been holding that in not knowing how to express what I was truly feeling because I didn't even know myself what was going on or even how to put it into words.
The fact that I've had these 2 conversations with my friends and I'm currently in the process of moving to a side of town that I never thought I'd get to live in and that I consider to be perfect.. Yes, I feel like things are falling into place. The new place I'm moving to has lots of natural light that streams in, its quiet, and people are friendly in my new neighborhood, and on top of that it just has good energy, which will help me produce great art. I can't even express how excited I am! Alright, I'm rambling now. :) Until the next time...